Wednesday, September 30, 2009

i dont know...

I want to laugh...

I want to scream!
That feeling inside me...
Like I'm bursting at the seams!

Imploding, and choking...
hoping and wishing...

and sitting.
and breathing.
and then...

the feelings, the stress.
i am alive.
but im proud of this.


did you know?

that sometimes i'll think about you,
the way you talk,
that sense of humor,
but also,
how you care about so much.

im not the person that'll wait on your calls...
i get pissed if you forget,
but i'll forget too.
i sometimes just think that we can be the best of friends,
it'll be great, i'll be happy...
but then i remember this.

i remember that feeling in my stomach,
where i know i never want to be anywhere else...
that knowledge that for once...
my head is a gooey mess.

i remember the fact...
that i love you as such a good friend,
but when i see you... every once and a while...
i wish that you knew what i meant.


its weird...

when i mention this. i freeze.
i want to say don't laugh. i'll cry.
don't mention it, don't worry.
but i know. i want to hear this...
i want to know what people think,
i want verification, some safety net...
but that can't just happen.
i want to hear, "this imagery is perfect!"
or "that flows just right...."
but critique is life.
if i learn. i grow.
so i just have to keep telling people,
that this is me.

MY blogggg

i'm copying maddie and i want you ppl to comment on my blog 2 cuz i like NVR get any comments anymore.


Thank You!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

my blogg

hey please check out my blog! its got a lot of the stuff i put on here, but it has moree :) please comment on my poems, and idkkk. the link is there, and the other blog links i have are good too :)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Do You Think I'm Sexy?

“Do you think I’m sexy?”
I stared at the guy, startled and skeptical. Too surprised to speak, I gazed at him without saying a word. That was the first thing this stranger said to me. Not “hi,” or “hey,” but “do you think I’m sexy?”
My first inclination was to roll my eyes, so, of course, that’s exactly what I did.
This rude tendency stemmed from when I was much younger and would constantly roll my eyes at my teachers. Needless to say, I still hadn’t broken the habit.
After seeing my reaction, the guy’s smug expression changed suddenly – the smirk had been wiped clean off his face – but his charming, blue eyes still betrayed his cockiness. He looked back at my brother, Justin, and served the ping-pong ball he had been holding, his expression now seemingly unchanged.
In spite of myself, I couldn’t resist his obvious charm.
I stared at him for a moment longer, not wanting to take my eyes off him. Then I turned around abruptly and walked back to the bathroom door. My eyes stared blankly ahead as I contemplated what had just happened. Who is that guy? I wondered.
Turning around again, and without thinking, I approached the guy slowly. When I reached him, he stopped playing and glanced down at me from a good six inches above.
The silence hadn’t even set in before he said, “Hi, I’m Danny,” with an irresistible grin.
I tried to repress a smile. “I’m Heather.”
“Yeah, I know. I think we met at Camp Jewell once.”
I suppressed a gasp and immediately went back into my mind to memories of camp, which had taken up several summers of my life. All of a sudden, a vague recognition clicked and I was left speechless.
“I remember,” I said quietly after a moment.
An awkward silence ensued, so I returned to my post at the bathroom door, left to drown in my thoughts. Why can’t I stop staring at him? I asked myself. Why is his charm working on me?
I was stuck on that last thought when my friend, Kenzie, emerged from the bathroom. She was studying my absorbed expression when I suddenly snapped back into reality. I quickly glanced up at her, my face betraying the sudden change in my disposition.
Without waiting for me to explain, she whispered, “Who is that?” as she motioned towards the guy.
I paused before responding. “One of Justin’s friends, I guess.”
Kenzie pursed her lips. I could tell she wanted to know more. “What’s his name?” she asked absentmindedly, not seeming to care what the answer was.
“Danny,” I said, trying to sound indifferent.
I glanced back at him and he grinned that same compelling grin. I didn’t yet realize how much I would long to see that grin again.

* * *

Kenzie had long gone by the time I came downstairs to find Justin and Danny playing Guitar Hero. I walked into the room hesitantly.
“Watcha doin’?” I tried to make my voice sound casual.
“Playing Guitar Hero.”
I detected a slight edge in my brother’s tone of voice. Subconsciously, I rolled my eyes, further proof that I still hadn’t conquered that tendency. I stood there awkwardly for a while, watching them play.
“Can I play?” I questioned my brother finally.
“After Danny leaves.”
I sighed, dreading it either way.

Before I knew it, I heard the familiar ring of the doorbell echo throughout the house. I looked up in surprise as I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. My mom rounded the corner and approached us while an unfamiliar woman trailed behind her. I watched intently as the woman greeted my brother and Danny.
“Come on, Danny. It’s time to go,” the woman said.
“Hold on,” Danny replied, not bothering to look up from the TV.
I listened as he and Justin played Miss Murder, one of my favorite songs from that game. The catchy tune rung in my ears as I stared at Danny. Though I didn’t know it yet, I would later associate that song with him forever.
Soon the song ended though, and then he was out the door with just a quick “later” to my brother.
And I was left sitting downstairs, alone. I was still lost in thought. I hadn’t had time to assess Danny as a guy, not to mention as a person. Confusion and uncertainty wrapped around my mind like snakes refusing to let go of their prey until they have squeezed the life out of it.
Reluctantly, I headed back upstairs, unsure of what to make of Danny and of the day.

* * *

It was a normal school day... or so I thought it was.
It was my free period and I decided to get some homework done, so I made my way to the library.
It was then my day became unusual and perpetually unforgettable.
As I entered the library, my eyes were immediately drawn to that familiar blue hat; I stared at Danny in astonishment as he stood talking to my brother at one of the computers.
It was a tough feat trying to approach Danny quickly without seeming too eager. Somehow, though, I suppose I managed to do so.
“Hey,” Danny greeted as he got up suddenly and hugged me.
I could feel the blood immediately rush to my cheeks; I couldn’t help but blush as his arms wrapped around me unexpectedly.
My heart was racing and it wasn’t until he finally broke away that I realized I had been holding my breath. I tried to steady myself as blood pounded in my ears and I fought to catch my breath.
All this happened within seconds, and before I knew it, I was once again staring up at Danny and his distinctive blue hat. I found myself speechless, and he didn’t say anything either, although his smile said more than words ever could.
That was the first time.

* * *

As I made my way through the crowded hallway on my way to room 3042, my heart suddenly began to race with excitement. Straight ahead of me was Danny; in a crowd of people, I saw only him.
I smiled as I noticed his signature blue hat and felt my heart skip a beat. In spite of my fluttering heart, I tried to seem casual as I passed him by. But, to my satisfaction, Danny just wouldn’t let me walk by unnoticed.
“Hey, Heather,” he called out.
I turned around just in time to see that irresistible grin form on his flawless face. It took all my willpower to hold back a smile as I stared into his turquoise eyes.
I could feel every beat of my heart as Danny took me into an embrace. Once again, blood rushed to my cheeks involuntarily; I blushed even more with embarrassment when he pulled away and noticed my rosy cheeks.
“Hi, Danny,” I finally murmured, my breath taken away.
After a split second of silence, I turned around in the hallway awkwardly and rushed to catch up with a friend who had been walking with me so as to appear nonchalant.
My friend didn’t need to say anything; her face said it all. I didn’t say a word either. I just smiled.
I looked back right before going into my classroom and my heart skipped a beat for the second time that day as I gazed at Danny, awestruck and, for once, happy.

* * *

Sadly, though, time goes on, and time changes people, as it did Danny and me. And so, as the year went on, our encounters began to dwindle until they soon became completely nonexistent. And I suppose Danny moved on, which, in turn, forced me to do so as well. And so I did. We both moved on with our lives, never quite together, but we changed, probably for the better, for having once been in each others’ lives.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Two Worlds Collide

The waves crashed upon the shore, while gray clouds loomed in the distance. Breathing deeply, I tried to calm myself. Mother Nature and I felt the same; frustrated. I wondered what angered her. I'm sure her reason was legit. The human race was killing her planet, her baby. It was like having a sick child, and the doctors gave them medicine that made them worse. They had the medicine and technology to make your child get better, but they're too ignorant to use them. I ran to the end of the boardwalk, the clouds closing in. Thunder rumbled in the distance, showing Mother Nature was almost ready to blow. I looked up at the gloomy sky. It was amazing how Earth and humans could be so related and yet so different. "Why would he do that?" I asked out loud, as if Mother Nature stood right next to me. "He said he cared about me. He loved me. I was his one and only." Thunder boomed, agreeing with me. "Why would he behind my back to her? What makes her any better than me? Is she prettier? Smarter?' Lighting flashed in the distance, revealing how close the storm was. All was silent for a few moments, then thunder and lightning put on a show, going one after another; Mother Nature venting.“I remember he asked me if 10 years from now I would be in love with him just as much as I am now.” Smiling at the memory, I continued, “I’d given him the corniest answer. I’d said, ‘No, I would be 10 times more in love with you than I am right now.’ He had smiled. I asked him the same question and his answer…it was ‘I’ll let you know. It’s a surprise.’” As I finished, I felt an ache in my chest. I recognized the feeling, my heart breaking. “God, I’m such an idiot. What guy would love me? I’m nothing, he’s right to go to her…” A flash of lightning crossed the sky.“But I still love him.” I whispered.Just as the tears overflowed out of my eyes, the rain came pouring down. It soaked through my clothes, to my bones, in a matter of seconds.My hands grabbed the railing of the boardwalk as I continued to cry. Mother Nature and I were comforting each other. Her tears mixed with mine, falling onto the wood and sand, diving into the ocean causing a ripple effect. We felt each others pain, knew that only time could heal our wounds.As the tears and rain subsided, a voice called my name in the distance. It was him. I looked up at the sky, silently asking Mother Nature what to do. A loud rumble of thunder shook the Earth. He’s not worth it, a voice said in my mind. I smiled to the sky and whispered, “Thank you.”Mother Nature was right. He just wasn’t worth my time and effort. There were other fish in the sea, and I’d swim the whole ocean until I found the one who treated me the way I wanted to be treated. I walked the boardwalk back to the beach, past the first boy who ever broke my heart. I left the beach and walked home. As I opened the door and trotted up the stairs to shower, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. It then dawned on me, not once did I regret anything that happened today. The ache in my heart would heal with time. I would be okay.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Tobias Fulner and the Art of Persuasion

(Disclaimer: this is a farce, and a poorly written one at that. Do you think I can save it in any form? This was written for my self-imposed Tobias Fulner writing challenge. Ladies, I'm waiting for your entries!)

Tobias Fulner was a very young man who believed in the power of the art of persuasion. Every day he would lift his head off of the pillow, stretch, yawn, and persuade himself that the world needed him to get up. And so he did.

Tobias was not a good student in the classical sense of things. He did not like to do homework or yardwork or woodwork or anything he deemed "immoral", a word he used so often it appeared to have less to do with morals than the principle of the thing. His parents deemed him an unruly child and made up their minds to send him to military school.

Little to their knowledge, Tobias, being a believer in the power of the art of persuasion, soon surpassed their wildest dreams and had quickly become an integral part of the Premier's inner circle of military advisors. Unfortunately for his country, Tobias knew nothing of military strategy. All he had was a gift for persuasion and a spunky, lopsided sort of charm.

Therefore, to the chagrin of all the other advisors, the country entered a war in a far corner of the globe. However, this war did not last very long, as Mr. Fulner quickly persuaded the other side to simply give up.

The next day, there was a ticker-tape parade in celebration of the heroic Tobias Fulner. All the children stood outside of their gloomy apartments and cheered for this bemused, funny-looking man who had a way with children and convincing adults to do things.

Later, spurred by the attentions of the local media, Tobias grew interested in the prospect of power, based on things other than persuasion. He had grown tired of continuously having to convince other people to do things. So, he decided one morning as he persuaded himself to get out of bed, he would do his last big job of persuasion. He would persuade the country to replace him as their leader.

So he got in front of the television cameras and the bloggers' screens and made his case. It was quite persuasive, and soon people began to question why he wasn't their leader in the first place. So the whole country mutinied and installed Premier Fulner. Actually, it wasn't a real mutiny per se, as the original premier was persuaded to give up his post too.

Satisfied, Tobias sank into a deep slumber in the cushy bed of the Premier's Palace, which had been built for him by an especially sympathetic crew of architects and construction workers. He woke up automatically the next morning when rays of sunshine tickled his retinas. But, having given up persuasion forever, he could not convince himself to get out of bed.

Days passed, with no signs of Premier Fulner reaching the outside world. Tobias was bedridden. The population became uneasy. They were unused to functioning without a leader for such a long period of time. On the twelfth day of the Premier's self-imposed exile, the people revolted. They installed a new Premier in his place.

The men from the moving company moved Fulner's bed out of the palace, into a small clearing in the nearby woods. Still Tobias would not stir. As it was, Tobias Fulner could not convince himself to do anything anymore. As is usual with these sorts of things, Tobias Fulner died.

At his funeral, no one quite knew what to say. He was buried under a large statue of a charging horse, in a plot he had persuaded the cemetery owner to give to him for free.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Once Upon a Time

There was a time
when we knew to forget;
grasping winds in open palms,
holding onto lost memories.
Our smiles
always brighter than the sun,
our laughter
echoing in the wind.
Our path was hidden,
and we lit the dark,
fighting off dragons with
cardboard swords.
We were princesses and fairies,
and famous for a day,
no stopping us.
Living while we could,
invincible all the same.
We dared to dream,
to believe in possibilities.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

My Hearts Desires

What do you call this feeling
The feeling of pure joy
Whenever I'm near you
The feeling that a part of me is missing
Whenever I'm not
How my heart seems to race
At the sound of your name
And all i ever think about
Is you and your perfect smile
What do you call this feeling
I think it's called love

The Neverending Friendship

The simple things
That made me smile
And appreciate the person you were
Even more
A hug when I needed one
Encouragement throughout it all
Our friendship is like a rainbow:
Red like an apple, sweet to the core.
Orange, like an eternal flame, never dying out.
Yellow like the sun that brightens the day.
Green like a plant that keeps on growing.
Blue like the water that is so pure.
Purple like a flower that is ready to bloom.
It may stop growing
Or keep flowering
But it all depends on how hard it works to stay alive
I hope we continue to nurture the flower
That is our beautiful friendship
So that, like the eternal flame
It will last forever